Dark stories in two sentences.

At night, my children woke me up with the words: "Dad, robbers got into our house!"
Like them, I was very happy, because tomorrow we will have fresh meat.

I caught my daughter's boyfriend peeping at her while she was taking a shower. From the horror on his face, I realized that she had taken off her outer skin.

"Damn, how it stinks here!" - he muttered, entering the next room of the abandoned hospital.
"But you smell very tasty ..." - an unfamiliar voice whispered behind him.

The doctor told me that in order to combat depression, I should spend more time with my friends. My friends laughed as they stood behind him.

Late at night, I pulled into a gas station, got out of the car, and automatically reached for a cigarette. "Give fire?" - a figure in a black cloak suggested politely, flicking a lighter.

Once my friend told me with a laugh that the cuckoo gave him a hundred years of life. Today, seven years later, he, an infalid without legs, chained to an artificial respiration apparatus, said with tears in his eyes: "There are 93 left ...".

The girl was very happy to find the ring in her piece of meat pie. She didn't even immediately notice the severed finger on which it was worn.

Yesterday a drunk electrician came to our yard and shouted that tomorrow would be the end of the world.
We were in a hurry to buy matches and candles, but when there was a super flash on the Sun, we did not need them.

My brother at breakfast complained that he could not sleep all night because of the noise of the rain. I fear for him - our family has been living in this underground bunker for three years.

“Well, how? my friend asked slyly after I photographed him. - Did it work well? "
When I was surprised to show him a photo of an empty room, his smile widened.